What’s best for me

What’s best for me may not be what’s best for you. I’ve learned that not all my dreams should be shared and all my love out in the open. I’ve learned that my wall should be high and that who ever loves me should invest in a ladder. I’ve learned that storms can be a blessing because it clears away some of the emotional vampires in my life. What’s best for me may not be what’s best for you. I hope you find peace in my disappearance and I wish you the very best in your journey too. This is for broken hearts and the purple dreams.

-A.D.

And so I’ve learned….

I found myself again. I don’t know why, but I got up and I dusted off the past and I moved forward. I found myself again. The girl in the mirror is I can recognize and her smile is coming back. And so I’ve learned to love me again. I found peace without you and it feels amazing! And so I’ve learned that I could have peace and purpose with no drama. Peace. And so I’ve learned. This is my for broken-hearted and the purple Dreams.

He hurt me again…the fool

Today I was told something awful that I wouldn’t dare repeat. He decided to also tell me he’s gonna date after just a week apart. Why didn’t I block him or find away to avoid this. My peace was interrupted and for what cost. I was still called every name in the book and why did I let it happen once again. Why is it that people who have common sense can’t possibly solve the simple thing called love. I fought to hold on and I’m fighting to let go. I think the disrespect today has caused me to reconsider my path with love. I pissed love off or I broke loves heart once because love is paying me back for something. He hurt me again and that was his last time. I hope he finds the right person for him because I lowered my standards to deal with that asshole. This is for the broken heart and the purple dreams. Always.
A.D.

Closure…What Closure???

Yes. I did get my stuff back finally and it still hurt. I didn’t personally go pick it up but when I got the call that all my belongings were given to my friend my heart felt heavy. It was like my heart was ripped out. This was it and it was no going back. To many horrible words said and we can’t take it back. If I would have picked up my things..If I?? I would have cried and probably broke down and ask why why why. If I would have gone to pick those things up. I drove to him even though it flooded in Columbia..I drove. I loved him..I love him. I hate him..I hate him. The pain of knowing that I’ll be the past and some other girl will get the best of him is what makes me so mad. Yet, I feel a relief in some odd way. I could no please that man to save my life. All the horrible thoughts he had towards me spilled out in one moment and he meant it all. How can I forgive someone who thinks so ill of me. I will forgive him one day. We move on from apologies we may never get. I will move on because I have no choice. I will be strong for myself. i will be strong because the next time I see that man, whether a year or 20 years from now, he will regret how he hurt me. I will continue being productive and with that.. keep my sanity. Shit, this hurts like hell but Netflix and this pizza is quite comforting. I know now I meant so little to him and so he will no longer take room up in my mind. Tomorrow I will start living for me. I want to travel the world, meet good people and drink good wine. Closure? What Closure. I will never again be defined by the person beside me but by the shadow that never leaves me. This is for broken hearted and the purple dreams.

A.D.

Love sucks and thank goodness for NETFLIX!!!

Ok..so the next day will come, I hope. It’ll hit me that the person I texted 24/7 will be no more. And all the makeup purchases and high heels broken won’t matter and Netflix had never let me down. I will be able to catch up on my Korean Drama and look forward to getting to know bojangles and papjohns employees as my sofa comforts my curves. Love. I’ve been hurt so many times, I got use to it. I wanna cry and put my head under a pillow but all I can do is shed a few tears and laugh. Love. I don’t seek you out and I don’t ask for you but you find me anyways. Damn you. Pick one of the bad ones to mess with would ya.  But thank goodness for Netflix! I’ve been hurt so much.. That I am starting to feel nothing. One thing is for sure, regardless how you did me.. My pay check still came and gaining a few pounds from binge eating won’t hurt. I’ll laugh it off for now and I’ll feel this later I’m sure. This is for the broken hearted and the purple dreams.

A.D.

The truth of the matter…is

I get my stuff back tomorrow. Yeah, I left behind my things and etc etc etc. Yeah, I was that chick that let him have too much. But in the words of Rihanna, “B**tch better have my money”. I like when people have the nerve to think they are being the adult to just walk away and leave there shit. I don’t think so. That’s mine. Call it childish if you want but I’m gonna feel a lot better knowing my belongings are back with me. I was going to be princess and just disappear into the night…hahahahaha. F*ck you, If you were on fire and I had water in my hands, I would drink it. Just saying.  Anywho, love sucks sometimes, but damnit I’ll still do it again. Well here is the broken hearted and the purple dreams.

A.D.

The Broken Hearted Woman

I decided to get over a break up by venting about love and how I can’t seem to make it work, ever. I got myself into a relationship knowing that I needed to work on me first. The same outcome in all my failed attempts because I was willing to love someone who was never really a match. The accent was nice and his cooking skills was amazing but I still wasn’t happy. When your not ready for love, your simply not ready. I’ll take this lesson as a lesson learned. Love yourself first and everything else will fall where it should. This is for the broken hearted and the purple dreams.

A.D.