Yes. I did get my stuff back finally and it still hurt. I didn’t personally go pick it up but when I got the call that all my belongings were given to my friend my heart felt heavy. It was like my heart was ripped out. This was it and it was no going back. To many horrible words said and we can’t take it back. If I would have picked up my things..If I?? I would have cried and probably broke down and ask why why why. If I would have gone to pick those things up. I drove to him even though it flooded in Columbia..I drove. I loved him..I love him. I hate him..I hate him. The pain of knowing that I’ll be the past and some other girl will get the best of him is what makes me so mad. Yet, I feel a relief in some odd way. I could no please that man to save my life. All the horrible thoughts he had towards me spilled out in one moment and he meant it all. How can I forgive someone who thinks so ill of me. I will forgive him one day. We move on from apologies we may never get. I will move on because I have no choice. I will be strong for myself. i will be strong because the next time I see that man, whether a year or 20 years from now, he will regret how he hurt me. I will continue being productive and with that.. keep my sanity. Shit, this hurts like hell but Netflix and this pizza is quite comforting. I know now I meant so little to him and so he will no longer take room up in my mind. Tomorrow I will start living for me. I want to travel the world, meet good people and drink good wine. Closure? What Closure. I will never again be defined by the person beside me but by the shadow that never leaves me. This is for broken hearted and the purple dreams.
A.D.
npurpledreams 